Thought of the day Sunday 6 Nov 2022

 Thought of the day Sunday 6 Nov 2022

Shall I start of by just giving a brief background of my current thought, well since I was young and being raised by my Lovely Aunt (mom). I was taught to be grateful, kind and think of others whenever I do something, this has stuck to my personality and the way I look at the world. My personality has made me look and be seen as weak and unable to tell people my feelings. It was never that my feelings were not valid but that I should first listen to someone else issues before presenting them with mine. Basically, not being selfish in the word and being considerate.

This has obviously created a world where I cannot really express myself as I have thought that I was fortunate enough to get just about everything in life. Some people are out there suffering, while I have a meal and a roof over my head. Although I was never really told that, but the feeling was there. When considering that there was a time I went to the Doctor and I expressed myself that I didn’t have anyone to talk to, did my mother not ask me there and then that was she invisible? This was accompanied by the Doctors’ laughter, obviously making me feel that if the doctor does not understand where I'm coming from then why I should bother. Indeed, it did bother me as you can read from the passage that throughout all those years, I haven't really come to term with that part of my life.

This way of life has brought about the people pleasing personality that I have and that has literally taken myself conscious and self-awareness away from me. Not being able to be happy about myself and what I have achieved is really sad. As being reminded all the time that some people have not yet thought or even cared for me the way that I do for them. As much as putting myself in the same position there are in and what I would appreciate someone to do for me.

This trait of people pleasing has made me also conscious that no one will help me, and I must be independent should not rely on anyone. As everyone has the ability and the will to disappoint you, I’ve been disappointed by so many people and the reality of things is that with all those disappointing moments learning a lesson is not as easy as it should be because I remind myself to forgive and end up feeling sorry for someone.

I remember asking myself a question one day while studying law and reading all about the perpetrators and what led them to the things they did. Would I prosecute? is just so hard to be hard not this overthinker and analyzer. When you show people that you care they end up taking advantage of you and thinking that you are weak.